When you are down in the doldrums.
Finally, here's a post. I kept postponing it, so sorry xD, but I've been busy with PW OP this whole week, and suddenly I just realise how nice the weekends are. I am feeling pretty ): right now, which is why I am posting right now here in the classroom in school.
I saw the VP this morning with Dad, and the conclusion is that I am going to repeat (of course). I thought I could handle it, but even out there while I was waiting while the VP spoke to my Dad inside his office first(I could hear some parts at points), my heart got heavier. All that was in control of me that period of time was that small little part in my heart that still wishfully, absurdly, unreasonably believed that I could somehow make it to J2 next year and do better, that part which was still very hinged and reluctant at the thought of wasting another year, that part who really believed that this was not what all the hard work exchanged for. The whole while I was in there, and the vp was trying to break the news that I should repeat, there were points whereby I was gathered enough to speak, but also points where I thought I couldn't take it any longer and was on the verge of bursting into tears. He was very nice about it the whole time, and told me the truth(which I already knew) in a roundabout manner, but when Dad and I left the GO and stopped outside a while to talk, I just couldn't take it anymore and burst into the long-stifled tears. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it either. I knew the reason why I was like that, it was not because I was so against the idea of repeating, but rather because I thought I worked so hard, and yet it all exchanged for this, and the thought that I had let my parents down, plus also the breaking of that little part of heart that still stupidly had a little hope into smithereens. There was also that twinge of regret there, for not having chosen the right combi thus resulting in my wasting a year. Dad was like trying to counsel me inside the car, but well, I think it is hard for him too, which is why for the 1000th time here, I am thanking the heavens for giving me such great parents. I can't emphasize more.After that was 3rd OP dry run, which I also screwed up somehow, when I wasn't supposed to, because I was super nervous today for don't know what reasons. I can't deny this isn't one of the hardest times in my life, but I did study, and like I said before, so I will accept, plus I don't mind it, except ok maybe for that little part(but it broke and repaired itself to be like the majority) so yea. Well it means that I have the holidays free, and I will have a better chance at going for the Changi Airport attachment thing(which I REALLY want) and the mass media thing at NTU. Plus I am an OGL for orientation next year, which is working out according to my plan for my new year ahead. I don't know how to feel right now, but I am tired of substantiating my views about the good points about repeating, and maybe you people reading are also bored. I have stopped my life long enough for this, so I shall just leave it at here now.
Because when one drops to the bottom, there can only be everything to gain after that.It will be better.
Princess last waltzed through at 12:02